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lonely girl seeks same

Sometimes I can't believe I have this kid. He's in the dining room now, putting the tops of baby food bottles into an old raisin container. Then he takes them all out. Then he puts them all in. Sometimes he shakes things up a bit by trying to put the lid on the raisin container. But that, my friends, is totally beyond him. I'm over here in the living room writing and having a beer. I played hooky today. I need out of my life for a minute.

It's like any spare minute I have I hurry up and Vegetate. What I really want to be doing: walking, swimming, writing, doing anything interesting. What I end up doing: watching fucking Big Brother (HATE) on the computer. I have a serious addiction to Itunes. It's a problem. I keep hoping to finally run out of things to watch so that I can then begin my real good life where I bake bread and use all the vegetables from the CSA and construct fun activities for Oz. I hate that I spend so much time sinking into myself. I wish I weren't so very introverted. I miss people, miss friends.

Ever since B. told us about K. & J. getting hitched I've been blue. The truth is I miss them. Both. I love those guys and it makes me really sad to know how thoroughly we are not friends and will never be friends again. I think Jeff is struggling, too.

I did get an email from Penny (actual friend potential!) who is the pig rescue gal who is just cool as hell. She's in her thirties, totally punk rock, has a bajillion animals, smokes cigarettes (which, even though I don't anymore, is still my measure of excellence), and wants to be my friend. !! She wants a kid, and soon, too. She was thinking of trying to have one on her own, but now she's got this musician guy living with her who also wants one and hotdog. I hope they procreate. And I hope we become friends. Thing is, we've got lots of social activities on the books, but social activity does not equal friend time. Social activities actually totally suck for me. I'm shy and miserable at them, mostly.

Here comes the babe with his trusty raisin container. He's got this wild tooth up top that's so big. Cracks me up to see him smile. He's my big bucktooth baby.

But back to my complete and desperate loneliness. And apparant self-absorption (why must I justify this in my diary, of all places? I ask you.)I'm not sure on the mechanics of turning social activities into actual friendships. How? I think most of my friendships have really only happened through the miracle of alcohol.

Ack. Enough. Babe nursing. I suck at one-handed typing almost as much as I suck at friendships. Ta.

6:23 p.m. - 2006-09-08

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